dancing through the maze

You ever have your words to come back and bite you in the butt? I'm feeling that way today. I'm really down because I just found out that an old friend has cancer, and the doctor hasn't been very encouraging so far. I seem to be asking a lot of questions right now. My husband's mom has cancer, another of our friends just finished a stem cell transplant for multiple myeloma, and now this. Not to mention that another friend just got diagnosed with diabetes, my dad is having to see a specialist for his diabetic feet and my mom may need back surgery soon. What in the world is God doing...or not doing for that matter? And then my own words come back to me (from my last post). "Do I trust God or not?" Right now I'm finding it difficult. So, what to do? How do I find my trust again? I decided I need some help in that department and I found these:

Psalm 5:11-12
"But let all those rejoice who put their trust in You; Let them ever shout for joy, because You defend them; Let those also who love Your name be joyful in You. For You, O LORD, will bless the righteous; with favor You will surround him as with a shield."

Job 13:15a
"Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him."

Job tells of a vow he has made. No matter what happens I will trust God. Psalms give us a promise, a blessing on those that trust Him. So where is that blessing in times of trouble? Why does Job have to say that he will trust even if God kills him. Why do these things happen? I don't know. I wish I had a more sufficient answer but that is the best I can do. The simple fact is: His ways are not our ways. The bible says in Isaiah 55 "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, declares the LORD. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.” (verses 8-9).

So I guess what I am talking about is the acceptance that comes before the trust. I have to accept that I am not going to understand all the things that happen in life. In all honesty I'm going to think that a lot of things are unfair, and undeserved. I'm also going to wonder why bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad. But I have to accept that I am NOT God. He is sovereign. His ways and thoughts are so very high above mine, and if I can accept that, then the trusting isn't such an issue. And if I do this, then the promise, the joy that comes in truly trusting God, will be in effect in my life.


***I wrote this yesterday, in a weak moment. I am more confident in my God today. It is like I said before...sometimes I need to throw my fit and then I can react to things as I should. Today I really do believe Jeremiah 29:11 " 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.' " I thought it would be good for all of you to see that we all struggle with our faith at times. We really do get overwhelmed with things. And it is ok to speak our struggles to God, so He can help us face and overcome them. He is with us and here for us in times of struggle. Jesus said the Holy Spirit would be our comforter. I am resting in the arms of comfort today. :)

I was watching Twilight the other day and something struck me. Now I know you are probably thinking “Bible lessons from a vampire movie? Come on, Misty.” But seriously, this movie made me see something in myself in had never seen before. Here is the scene: Edward (very handsome tortured soul, the vampire that refuses to drink human blood) and Bella (beautiful yet clumsy girl who is not your typical dramatic teenager) have fallen in love. They are perched in the top of a tree, and Edward is sitting on a branch ready to take Bella on the ride of her life, and she is hanging on to him for dear life. Then he asks her this question, “Do you trust me?”

Now Bella knows Edward is a vampire. She knows that he could kill her. She knows that it is a constant battle for him to avoid human blood. She also knows that because of his feelings her, his desire for her blood is that much more intense. She knows all these things that should keep her away, but she doesn't care. She has told him, “I trust you, you won't hurt me.” She surrendered her life to him. But perched in the top of that tree, when he asks if she trusts him, the best answer Bella can come up with is, “in theory.”

Wow!

How many times do we find ourselves like that with God? We surrender our lives to Him. We ask His will for us. We tell Him we will follow where ever He leads. We say we trust Him. But when the rubber meets the road, we hesitate. And many times the best we can come up with is, “I trust You, Lord...in theory.”

But what do we do when faced with a situation where theory has to become reality? We are faced with a decision. Do we stop? Duck and run? Find the safe way out? Or do we choose to trust? Psalm 56:4 says, “In God (I will praise His word), In God I have put my trust; I will not fear. What can flesh do to me?” Notice he says in God I have put my trust, not I try to, not I think I have, not I will, but I have. It is a done deal. We have to make that choice, and not back track when things seem uncertain. We have to force the theory to become reality in our lives. We have to trust. It really is that simple. Do you trust Him or not?

I know in my life I seem to have constant questions about what God is doing and why, but the real question is...do I trust Him? If I do then the answers shouldn't matter as much as they do. I'm coming to realize that I don't trust Him as I should. There are conditions on my trust. I have to understand to trust. I have to know the plan to trust. I need to have at least a small sense of control to trust. But then, that isn't really trusting, is it? I need to make the theory reality for myself. So I say today, “I have put my trust in God. It is a done deal for me, now. No more theories. It is reality for me. Lord, just remind me of that tomorrow, and the next day, and the next...”