Being a parent terrifies me. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids. I want so much for them. I want them to grow to be more than Adam and I ever dreamed to be. They have that potential. I see it everyday, how great they could be. There is just one major hitch in the giddy-up. That would be the fact that I am their mother.
I look at myself in the mirror and I see myself for what I truly am. A big fat mess. I look at my life and the mistakes I have made. I look at the things I've struggled with, still struggle with and I think, “I am going to screw these kids up!” I mean, how do I make them to say no to temptations that I didn't say no to? How do I teach them to make the smart decisions that I didn't make? How do I guard them without suffocating them? How do I make them strong enough that they influence their world and not the other way around? How do I teach them the life-tools they need when I am still learning them myself?
The fact of the matter is: I have no earthly clue what I'm doing. I think we all feel that way. We must, because there certainly are enough parenting books and seminars out there. I do feel a little more confident with my youngest. At least I have had a child before so I have worked out some of the kinks. My poor son is just an experiment. I hope he doesn't feel that way, but I do. But whatever confidence I had in myself has been shaken, recently. A very good kid I know made an extremely poor choice and is now facing some pretty drastic consequences. I don't want that for my kids. But what makes the difference? This was a great kid who has been taught well, how am I supposed to equip my kids any better? The truth is I don't know if I can. There. I said it. The question is: what does that leave me with?
The simple answer is trust. Trust in God that He will keep my children. That He will speak wisdom and perseverance to their hearts in times of trials and temptation. Trust in myself, that one is a doozie. I must learn to trust myself to make good parenting choices, and when I don't know what to do, trust God that much more that He will guide me. And finally, trust my kids. I have to trust them to make the right choices. And then if they don't, I have to trust God (again) to get us through the tough times, and to use everything for our good.
It sure seems like trusting God is the major point. If I trust Him in all of this, then everything will be just fine. . . sigh.
***I would like to recommend a book to all my mom friends out there. Praying the Scriptures For Your Children by Jodi Berndt is my favorite parenting book. It is full of the ways you can pray for your kids, many stories of how prayer really works, and at the end of every chapter there are bible verses you pray with blanks for you to plug in your kids' names. I have even used these to pray for myself and others as well as having the kids pray for themselves. It is a truly great resource!
I look at myself in the mirror and I see myself for what I truly am. A big fat mess. I look at my life and the mistakes I have made. I look at the things I've struggled with, still struggle with and I think, “I am going to screw these kids up!” I mean, how do I make them to say no to temptations that I didn't say no to? How do I teach them to make the smart decisions that I didn't make? How do I guard them without suffocating them? How do I make them strong enough that they influence their world and not the other way around? How do I teach them the life-tools they need when I am still learning them myself?
The fact of the matter is: I have no earthly clue what I'm doing. I think we all feel that way. We must, because there certainly are enough parenting books and seminars out there. I do feel a little more confident with my youngest. At least I have had a child before so I have worked out some of the kinks. My poor son is just an experiment. I hope he doesn't feel that way, but I do. But whatever confidence I had in myself has been shaken, recently. A very good kid I know made an extremely poor choice and is now facing some pretty drastic consequences. I don't want that for my kids. But what makes the difference? This was a great kid who has been taught well, how am I supposed to equip my kids any better? The truth is I don't know if I can. There. I said it. The question is: what does that leave me with?
The simple answer is trust. Trust in God that He will keep my children. That He will speak wisdom and perseverance to their hearts in times of trials and temptation. Trust in myself, that one is a doozie. I must learn to trust myself to make good parenting choices, and when I don't know what to do, trust God that much more that He will guide me. And finally, trust my kids. I have to trust them to make the right choices. And then if they don't, I have to trust God (again) to get us through the tough times, and to use everything for our good.
It sure seems like trusting God is the major point. If I trust Him in all of this, then everything will be just fine. . . sigh.
***I would like to recommend a book to all my mom friends out there. Praying the Scriptures For Your Children by Jodi Berndt is my favorite parenting book. It is full of the ways you can pray for your kids, many stories of how prayer really works, and at the end of every chapter there are bible verses you pray with blanks for you to plug in your kids' names. I have even used these to pray for myself and others as well as having the kids pray for themselves. It is a truly great resource!
