dancing through the maze

This week has been a doozie. We went away for the weekend. Packing for four is never fun. We spent the weekend back in Chesapeake which was a fun, but emotional experience. Adam sprained his foot so I have had to wait on him. I had no help doing anything with the kids because Adam was incapacitated. Judah is home for the next 3 weeks on break so I am trying to find ways to keep him occupied. I then found out that because Adam couldn't drive I had to take him to Fayetteville to catch a ride to a conference he was supposed to go to. I had to rush to get laundry and more packing done so we could make that trip. So, Tuesday night I was laying in bed after midnight trying to do my bible study stuff for my Wed group, and I was tired. I was really enjoying the study material, but I had to put it down. I needed rest.

I turned off the light to go to sleep and that is when it happened. I became completely overwhelmed... not with the pressures of my week, but by God's love. I laid in bed and cried before the Lord thanking Him for his presence, and for being with me as I needed Him. It was an incredible experience. It didn't last long...maybe five minutes, but it renewed me, and I slept in the peace of the Lord and woke in the best mood I had been in...in a while. My bible study girls were probably wondering why I was humming and acting silly. I can honestly say it was that short, but wonderful encounter with God that changed me.

As I look back on that, just a few days later I can't help but wonder what made that night different than so many others. So many nights that I laid in bed exhausted by my circumstances, and it seemed God wasn't there. I know He is always there, but what made Him so real to me Tuesday night?

I really think it was the softness of my heart on that night. I had just re-read The Shack by William P. Young...that softened my heart and then my study material softened it even more. I was in a place where I was quiet enough I could hear His whisper. A lot of times we let our lives just drown out God's voice. We get so exhausted by our circumstances that we are to tired to take the time listen, but He is always there...waiting to renew our strength.

Folks, God is REAL. He isn't just some religious figure head we can cling to. His word is true. It isn't some history book filled with poetry and metaphors. He and His word are so much more. They are real! And they can be real to us in our every day lives. We so often get caught up in the day-to-day and forget to listen. We can get frustrated and even angry with God wondering where He is...but He is there all the time speaking to our hearts. The question is: are our hearts soft enough to listen? Or have they been hardened by life and schedule and exhaustion? The bigger question to me is how do we soften our hearts daily so we can hear Him? I think that is a question we all have to answer for ourselves, and I think the answer changes from time to time. Usually praise and worship music is what gets me to that point, but the other night it was His word. He has many ways to speak...we just have to find one way to listen....

As christians we go through times of struggle and suffering. It is just a fact. A lot of times people ask (myself included) if God is on my side why did “this” happen? Whatever your “this” is I'm sure you feel in some way like you should have been protected from it. But God knows the end of a thing from the beginning. He sees what we can't. The closest I have ever come to making sense of it all is this simple story...

My son was 3. He got strep throat all the time, and he snored...loudly. His pediatrician said he had a child's version of sleep apnea. We went to an ENT and he said Judah's tonsils and adenoids had to come out. So my little boy had surgery and when we were called back to his recovery room I could hear him screaming from down the hall. We I got to his room he was standing on the bed jumping up and down holding his throat and crying his eyes out. I grabbed him and held him and felt awful that he hurt so bad. The worst of it was knowing that I allowed him to go through this pain. I felt so guilty, but I knew that this short time of pain would result in a better life for my baby. Nights of peaceful rest, no more sore throats...a completely different life, because he went through this. You see I could see the end from the beginning and the middle and the end. I got him calmed down and I kept telling him I know it hurts, but it is going to make things so much better.

I think God does that with us. We stand there kicking and screaming saying it hurts...make it STOP! But our loving Father, with the end in sight, says, “I know, but things are going to be so much better, when the pain is over.” But we don't listen often enough and sometimes we just stand there holding on to our pain, wondering why, why, why. I think if we could see past our pain we would see a Father waiting to soothe our wounds and help us through until the end. I was able to help Judah. I calmed him and gave him comfort until the pain was over. And I was there watching as he slept without trouble and went through a winter without strep. The end was here, and if he could remember it all, I think he would be grateful for that short time of pain because it has already made such a difference in his life.

The best thing I can tell you is if you are going through a time of pain, take comfort now in God's love and know that when it is over....