Disclaimer: I looked up 1 statistic...the rest is my opinion...

I was watching part of The View this morning and they had all this stuff about match making and Valentine's Day and it got me thinking...a dangerous thing.

We have all heard the statistic that 50% of marriages end in divorce, but listen to this statistic I got off of divorcerate.org, "50% of first marriages, 67% of second, and 74% of third marriages end in divorce, according to Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology, in Springfield, Missouri."

So let's break this thing down. It seems to me that the people who go in believing they have an out are the people who get divorced. It would explain why the 2nd and 3rd rates go up. They go in to marriage believing the "happily ever after" fairy tale and when that doesn't happen they take their planned escape and try again with someone else...and then again. You want to not only save your marriage but have a great one here's what you should do, say these words with me:

Divorce is not an option!!!!

Now, there are extenuating circumstances to this rule. I'm talking to the people with your average marriage. The people who may one day say they want a divorce because they just don't love each other anymore. I can just say this: THAT IS A LOAD OF BULL POOPIE! That is no reason to give up on a commitment you made to stay with this person "till death do you part". Adam and I wrote our own vows, but that was one phrase I made sure to include...'till death parts us...no other options!

The thing we miss so often in our feel good, pro-choice culture is that marriage is a choice, divorce is a choice, and yes to love, to continue to love is a choice. Yes love is an emotion, and like all emotions it can come and go. You have to choose to pro-actively love. It is not a choice that is easy to make at times. We have to push through hurt feelings or complacency. We have to love our spouse (here's the kicker) in a way that makes them feel loved, not the way that is easiest for us. We have to invest time and effort into our marriages. You know what makes you want to do that more than anything else...the knowledge that this is the only marriage you have and if you don't invest in it you'll live in misery. It is the plain and simple truth. If you have no other options you make it work. You choose to love, then your spouse chooses to love, then that old emotion returns with greater force because it is backed by a "no matter what" commitment.

Here's the deal: every marriage goes through tough times. Times when it really would be easier to give up, but is that the choice you want to make? Do you really want to be a quitter?



My favorite marriage book: The Five Love Languages by Dr Gary Chapman
Disclaimer #2: I am NOT "pro-choice", I AM pro-life...just wanted to make that clear. ;)